Shattered Silver
by shadoweddrm
Summary: So you want to know what really happened after the Sailor Moon seasons ended? Well just to warn you, it's not pretty, and it's not anything that you could ever have imagined. Rated for language, fighting, and other stuff. Oh, and there is some slight OOC.
1. The Curious Case of the Frozen Moon

_**Disclaimer:**__ We, the authors three, have no claim or possession of the Sailor Moon series or its characters. Nor do we own the characters of Sailor Moon Abridged, for which some of the characteristics of the scouts are formed. After watching the series and the abridged version, we ended up with a dastardly plot and a slew of ideas that we wanted to write. Please enjoy them, and do not send nasty reviews to us—creative criticism is welcome, but flames are not!_

The Curious Case of the Frozen Moon

Have you ever wondered just what happened to Sailor Moon after the adventure ends? After all, our story leads you to believe that she and Tuxedo Mask ride off into the sunset and transform the world into a peaceful moon kingdom. If you are one of those such romantics, then this story might make you cry on the inside—then again, we cried as well… for all of about two minutes. Just so you know, this is Lita—aka. Sailor Jupiter—and boy, do the scouts have some stories to share!

So it all started on Serena's 21st birthday (a bad sign, I know). Uranus and Neptune were back in town to… umm… celebrate, yeah, that's it. After all, they still hated the fact that Serena almost got us all killed because she's _that_ stupid—and the rest of us were tired of having such a useless leader. Then again, nothing good ever comes from getting drunk off our asses. Anyway, I should probably just get on with it.

Darien was out of town for the week invading Poland—the last country to stand against his rule (who would have thought, right?). Amy, being the useless bitch that she is, decided to whine about how she was the smartest one, but that she was still the most useless one of the group. I mean come on—she's the stupidest "smart person" we know! Serena tried to console her by completely agreeing with her, passing her a bottle of rum and a donut that miraculously appeared out of her… nevermind. I'm still trying to get over that trauma.

All of a sudden, Rae decided to pull a funny on Serena. It _was_ her birthday after all, and we had to surprise her somehow. She slipped a hybrid drug that she had secretly formulated the month before—and tested first on herself and then on the rest of us—into Serena's tenth drink (I don't know how, but that hooker could somehow hold her liquor). The blonde bitch (and I do not mean Mina, even though she is pretty bitchy sometimes) started giggling and asked Rae what she was doing, and squealed of joy when she was told that it was powdered sugar. When she heard that, she took another packet and put it in Amy's drink (not that she needed it… our blue girl was already three drinks past wasted). She smiled and challenged Amy to a chugging contest—the one who downed three of them first would win. She lined up the other four laced drinks as we stared at the two in horror, even though we were quite sure that this could have been the solution to our problems.

Mina smiled and held up her Grateful Dead while Rae and I sipped our Black Russians. "Okay, you sluts!" she winked at the outer scouts quickly, "On your marks, get set, CHUG BITCHES CHUG!"

The two downed their drinks, glaring at each other as they tried to win. We had to stop drinking as we watched them to make sure we didn't choke. They dropped their glasses at the same time, and Serena, her cheeks flushed a brighter red that Rae's sailor skirt, asked, "Sooooo…w-*hic* who won?"

"It better not have been that pink ditz," Amy growled, the drugs and alcohol raging through her system and making her angrier than Mars on her period, "'cause otherwise I'm going to kick all of your asses into next year!" And with that, she pulled out her power stick and transformed, sending everything to hell in a hand basket tied with ribbon and filled with Serena's shitty cookies.

As soon as she did that, Serena, being equally under the influence at this point, did the same. Her silver crystal blinked for a little and lost its shine (not that she noticed). Apparently, even it knew when there was a lost cause, and decided that it was time to move on. She pulled out her tiara and sent it flying at Mercury, who dodged and sent her bubbles misting through the area. She sent her aqua illusion shooting at Sailor Moon, who used her wand at the same time. The two attacks, Mercury's being the most powerful that we had ever seen (apparently she was actually powerful when she was high), twisted around each other in a spray of power. They exploded in one powerful rain of ice shards, piercing each as the pink power from her wand ripped through them. We watched in horror and fascination as Mercury's power surrounded them, encasing them in an icy tomb as the silver crystal dropped to the ground.

"Well damn," Rae said, "if I had known it would be this easy, I would have done it a long time ago."

"What are we going to tell Darien?" Mina asked, looking at all of us in turn.

"Well we're fucked," I sighed.


	2. Darien on the Rebound

_**Disclaimer:**__ We, the authors three, have no claim or possession of the Sailor Moon series or its characters. Nor do we own the characters of Sailor Moon Abridged, for which some of the characteristics of the scouts are formed. After watching the series and the abridged version, we ended up with a dastardly plot and a slew of ideas that we wanted to write. Please enjoy them, and do not send nasty reviews to us—creative criticism is welcome, but flames are not!_

2. Darien on the Rebound

Hey guys, it's your favorite blonde bitch, Mina. So, like, let's begin, and I'll try not to bore you with my random-assed teen lingo. Okay everyone, so when Darien got back, we had a major shit fest. I mean come on, his wife and one of her scouts just killed each other—so much for our plan that we had in place for the last four years. When he saw them, he shouted, "I knew that damn bitch would get herself killed! I mean come on, only Serena would be dumb enough to fight Mercury while she was _drunk_!"

"Well on the bright side," Lita replied, standing next to him, "at least you still have us to protect you."

"I'm fucked!"

"Don't you know it," replied Amara, grinning slyly at Lita.

All of a sudden, we saw this bright, shiny—OOH SHINY—uhh, sorry about that 20 minute lapse. There was this shiny thing, and it was like, on Malachite's face and I just _had_ to find out where he got it! *giggle* Anyway, there was this shiny thing that floated down from the moon and landed next to the crystal. She picked up the crystal and looked at Serena sadly before turning to us. Oh, and we were surprised to find that it was Queen Serenity!

"I always knew I should have just let that stupid bitch die a thousand years ago!"

"It would have saved us a lot of… I mean…" Rae stopped herself and held up a beer, "…want a drink?"

"No thanks. I don't have a lot of time before I have to go, and there is the problem of two dead sailor scouts and a silver crystal that we need to protect the world." She rubbed her hand through her hair and pulled a pin out. It shone with the light of the…uh…oh yeah, moonbeams. Before we knew it, the crystal broke into sections and our power sticks were absorbed into the different lights. She sent the waves washing over us all, and a new power stick appeared in our hands. The rest of the crystal surrounded Serena and Mercury, locking them inside forever. Then, when she was done, Queen Serenity entrusted the safety of the world in the hands of the remaining scouts—provided that we could all work together—like, as if that would be hard, and then gave us a stoned smile. She ripped off her clothes and raced off toward the moon again, disappearing into the night while screaming about how wasted she and some college kid were going to get—as if she wasn't wasted already.

"Well damn," Lita replied, looking at the shiny green wand in her hand. The chip of the silver crystal was ringed with green. While I was distracted… for like three days… with my silver-to-orange shiny wand, somehow Lita got Darien pretty damn drunk… like more smashed than he was when Serena got him in bed. I mean, really, who would want to tap _that_?

Anyway, apparently she got him in bed and they did a bunch of snuggling. Oh, and they had sex too. They're louder than Rae and Jedite, and that's pretty damn loud! I mean, come on, I was pretty damn pissed that they were fucking in the next room and they couldn't like, keep it down! Malachite was totally tired of it, too, and we like, didn't do anything, like… we didn't even snuggle. I hope next time they do it in Darien's room. Seriously.

So, we were talking the next day at breakfast, and Lita had that "just fucked" look on her face, when something rumbled around us. A dark shadow loomed over the palace, and we ran outside to see what it was.

"Shit," it was the first time Michelle ever swore, so we knew that Amara must have been a woman that morning (**A/N: in the manga, she is both a man and a woman, and we're pretty sure they weren't cousins…**), meaning that she didn't get laid.

"You're right, that's one demented unicorn!" Amara replied, pulling out her wand and holding it up, "Silver Uranus Power!" We all transformed, and Darien turned himself into Tuxedo Mask. It was really cool to look at my amazing flowy ribbons, and play with the crescent necklace hanging down in front of my ribbon. Our necklaces each held a drop of silver crystal, and we looked seriously badass. I ran toward the monster, grabbing the crescent moon and pulling it up, shouting, "Venus Crystal Flash!"

"Jupiter Crystal Thunder Boom, bitches!"

"Mars Crystal Inferno!"

The unicorn fell backward, landing on its side and bleeding profusely. Really, our fights take such a short amount of time. Even sex takes longer than this shit. Then again, since we all knew it was coming, it managed to attack us and had to be stopped by Tuxedo Mask's blossomy rose piercing the unicorn's eye. It cried out, "Son of a bitch," and Uranus and Neptune decided to double-team it (get your mind out of the gutter—like, really).

"Uranus Crystal Shatterglass!"

"Neptune Crystal Flood!"

The unicorn dissolved into what it had been before it was corrupted, and a light pink flower floated onto the ground. "Thank you for rescuing me, sailor scouts," it said. We saw a bunch of glitter—which I tried really hard to catch—and we were like, floating in the air as the unicorn blessed us. With its mission accomplished, it disappeared into a rainbow, sending sparkles running through my hair and making me want to chase it.

"Well, I guess we have a new enemy," Tuxedo Mask sighed as Lita wrapped her arms around him and smiled happily.

"Yeah, but for now, let's party!" I began swirling around in my glitter-and-sparkle-covered hair and clothes, and the others managed to pull alcohol from somewhere inside their sailor uniforms. Everything was good in the world again, and nobody remembered Serena or that little blue-haired freak. Oh, and her boyfriend and Nephrite have been missing since that day… I wonder where they went.

_Please review if you liked it, my little co-writers and I would really love to hear anything that you have to say (so long as it isn't a flame, because those are not good). We are working on the next chapter, but it's going to be an 'as-we-get-to-it' thing since we are all busy college students. Anyway, look for another chapter soon!_


	3. In Which Molly Disappears into the Void

_**Disclaimer:**__ We, the authors three, have no claim or possession of the Sailor Moon series or its characters. Nor do we own the characters of Sailor Moon Abridged, for which some of the characteristics of the scouts are formed. After watching the series and the abridged version, we ended up with a dastardly plot and a slew of ideas that we wanted to write. Please enjoy them, and do not send nasty reviews to us—creative criticism is welcome, but flames are not!_

3. In Which Molly is Sucked into the Void

Hey, hoes, Rae here! So since we all know that something fucking gross is going down between Zoicite and Nephrite, we can take a look into how Molly went missing and where she is now. Just to warn you, it's pretty gross… worse than thinking about how the hell Amy ever scored with Zoicite in the first place.

So yeah, when Lita dumped him for Darien, Nephrite had a drinking contest between Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan, in which he proceeded to fuck the sculpture of Serena (aka. Princess/Queen Serenity II) in the garden…yes… the garden. Somehow, Zoicite was there riding Molly around (who was shouting, "Spank me, bitch!") at the same time.

Let's just say that Nephrite saw this, and in his drunken stupor, shouted "Wait for me!" and ran over to join them. Somehow, and I'm not sure how the fuck they managed it (not to mention that I do not want to think about it, nor want to know HOW it's possible), they got into a cherry tree and shook it so hard for the next 46 hours that we have a week's supply of cherries sitting on the ground below.

Now we come to our problem, because we have no fucking clue how three went into the tree, and only two climbed down. Our first thought was that Molly was so much spaghetti after two days that she was stuck in the tree, but after probing it with a Darien's rod for a few hours, we realized something else must have happened.

Zoicite was acting pretty shady, and when confronted, cried out, "There's nothing in my void! You can't prove it!"

"Fucking bitch!" Nephrite yelled. "Girls, get him… her… it!" Four of us grabbed a limb, and, holding…it... spread-eagle, awaited the moment of truth. Looking rather disgusted, Nephrite did the one thing that none of us, even our resident hooker, Venus (Venus: I am n—oh wait…) could do, stuck his hand elbow-deep into the void.

"What the hell do you have in here?" he asked as he grabbed something and pulled, until the face of Queen Beryl peeked out at him.

"Thank God! Freedom! I've been stuck in this hell-hole since that pink light brought all you hookers back to life! Let me out!"

"Send it back! Send it back! For the love of beer pong!" we all shouted in unison, and he pushed on the top of her head until she disappeared once again into the void. By this time, Zoicite had passed out from the trauma (or at least, I think it was trauma…), and Nephrite shuddered before he poked his head in to see if he could find Molly.

"Shit…like, I didn't know that wavy hair dude was a geologist…ewww, that fetish is sooo gross." And at that she threw up all over Zoicite's face. A few minutes later, after all of us had cover Zoicite in a nice layer of puke, flowers, and rainbow glitter, Nephrite finally managed to pull Molly out of the void.

"Betsy… no, Kitty, uh, Molly…"

"Shut up, you fucking whore," she told him before she passed out. Thus, the case of the missing Molly was solved… and we figured out where half of Venus' clients had disappeared to… and then Nephrite bathed (and fucked) an unconscious Zoicite in the fountain, and everyone was happy again as we all got trashed.

_Once again, please refrain from flames. We are alright with people adding creative criticism, but would rather not get needless story-bashing. Stay tuned for what happens when we play around in Grandpa's herbal garden! Shit blows up!_


	4. Rae Likes to Experiment

_**Disclaimer:**__ We, the authors three, have no claim or possession of the Sailor Moon series or its characters. Nor do we own the characters of Sailor Moon Abridged, for which some of the characteristics of the scouts are formed. After watching the series and the abridged version, we ended up with a dastardly plot and a slew of ideas that we wanted to write. Please enjoy them, and do not send nasty reviews to us—creative criticism is welcome, but flames are not!_

__4.

Rae Likes to Experiment With the Herbal Remedies Made by her Grandfather. Thank you, you Cock-Eyed Fuck.

So guys, it's Jupiter again, and boy do we have a mind-numbing, trip-inducing tale to weave for you today. We all knew Rae's grandfather was eccentric, to say the least, but we didn't realize that he would live this long—especially after he wanted to go flying. Chad, on the other hand, after breaking every bone in his body, became the guinea pig for Rae's diabolical plots… none of which were pretty.

So for those of you who think that Rae is a Satanist… she's not, really. She had a major fight with him after we all died…again…thanks to that dead bitch, Serena… and was permanently banned from hell. Now, she's just plain evil. Anyway, the one thing that he hid from us until we were legal adults (and Darien started his world conquest), was the fact that he had a huge-ass mother fucking garden.

And before you ask, it was not a pretty, flower-filled garden. It was an… herbal… garden. Yeah, that's it. So now we know where Rae got all of her shit from! And we have keys… and we party there on a weekly (if not daily) basis. The whole lack of militia starts to make sense, right? I mean come on, who wants to guard a palace when you can play beer pong in the fountain and look for weeds you haven't tried yet?

Anyway, this story begins in the garden… during our weekly smoke-a-thon, in which we ask grandpa to rummage us up some of his best new shit. Whether it's safe or not, we don't know—but the silver crystal keeps it from doing harm to our bodies… which is why I feel bad for Chad. Not only is he Rae's concubine, but he is often the test subject of the new creations. Anyway, on to the story:

"So like, guys, my pussy just go so high that it think it's a plant swaying in the breeze," Mina giggled, and we all looked at her in shock, trying to figure out how she got _that_ to smoke.

"Wait…what?"

"Yeah, Artemis. Don't you see him trying to be a plant?" she pointed and we turned to look at the white cat.

He was laying on his back, swinging his legs around, and shouting "Photosynthesis!"

"Oh. Okay, Mina. Don't scare us like that again!" Rae took a stick and poked Artemis, and he made an odd strangled sound. When he was picked up, he screamed and acted like he was wilting because we pulled his roots out of the ground (referring to his tail). Luna could do nothing but shake her head.

"Well, we're never giving him _this_ again!" said Darien.

Rae, on the other hand, decided, "Next time we should mix it with something else and see what he does! This is better than catnip!" At that, she threw a clump at Luna's feet and watched her eyes dilate as she went nuts.

Chad was laying on the ground acting like he was going to die (he probably was), when grandpa came back with some odd looking… SHIT. It looked like some sort of alien seed. I do NOT need to see one of those again.

"Any ideas what I should do with this?" he asked, and we all backed away from it. It didn't help that it was glowing pink. We looked at each other and realized just what the hell was going on. Unfortunately, we all forgot our wands at the temple…where we, uh…yeah, I don't remember a damn thing that we did at the temple. Maybe I shouldn't get so drunk next time…

I grabbed Darien and ran for the temple, because I had laid my wand next to his rose… and we needed to transform together. Yeah. That's it… we didn't have a quicky while we were transforming or anything. And it wasn't like…

(Mina: "Shut the fuck up and just transform already, bitch!")

Oh, sorry about that. Anyway, so when we got back, grandpa was in his tablecloth trying to bite… the State Patty's Day leprechaun? And why the fuck is Chad laying there in a pink thong with doodles on his face? This makes no sense.

"I will make you so drunk you can't walk, and then I will steal your souls for my master so he can take over your planet!"

"How, by stuffing us with beer until we barf?" Rae asked. "Mars Crystal Inferno!" He burst into flames until he was redder than his hair, and Venus took the opportunity to attack.

"Venus Crystal Flash!" The fucking bastard held his eyes and stumbled forward toward us, seeming like he was trying to trample us in the process. Honestly, why are the bad guys so pathetic? *glares at the author* Come up with better fucking plot elements and bad guys! Uhh…anyway…

Darien threw his rose, which looked like it was powdered with snow. It hit him square in the face and froze, sending the thing flying back into its magical pot of Guinness. Wait…where the fuck did the pot of beer come from?

"Jupiter Crystal Thunder Boom, bitches!" I shouted, sending electricity racing through the beer and the leprechaun. It screamed and we moved together, nodding as we discovered our group attack, "Silver Crystal Mindfuck!" He screamed like a banshee and held his head before he disappeared into a small seed that fell to float in the Guinness.

After we transformed back, Mina asked, "So like, what should we do with all this beer?"

"DRINK IT!" grandpa cried and dove into the pot in his cape and underpants. We stared in shock for a few seconds before he came flying—literally—out of the pot, a sparkling trail of foam raining beer upon the land behind him.

"Wow, that was some pretty damn good shit we smoked," mumbled Chad as he watched grandpa, stood up, and scratched his junk under his pink thong.

"Dude, put some pants on."

"Or run around naked!" Mina giggled, dunking a mug into the beer and taking a chug. And so we beat a leprechaun and lost grandpa all in one day… but I'm sure he'll return to make out lives a living hell after he has finished giving the world Guinness.

_Once again, please tell us how you feel (without providing flames). We work rather hard during the short time that we take to crank out these chapters to some up with the ideas and run with them, so any creative criticism or comments are greatly appreciated! Just wait until you see who the mastermind behind this arc is going to be! Until next time~_


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